Category Archives: FAILSAUCE

Keeping it up

Day 2 wasn’t bad! I had a really grouchy day after a win and then a series of losses at work. It wasn’t a banner day for me, but I should be seeing some income in the following weeks, so that’s good. I showed up for church really early and sat in my car listening to a podcast and knit on my wedding shawl.

I finished up Wednesday with about 3 or 4 oz of Tilapia and some asparagus and chunks of thick-cut bacon. I added some honey-dijon dressing and it was absoluetly delicious and not a lot of calories, either. I finished off another 16 oz of water, bringing my daily total yesterday to 136 oz. I just barely hit my caloric intake goal for the day and was over until I went to bed after burning a few extra calories.

Again, I slept like a brick last night and woke up groggy when the alarm accidentally went off at 5 a.m.. I slept again until 6 and ignored my alarm until 6:30…late. I jumped out to bed, at least managed to brush my teeth and ran out of the house with just enough time to stop at Kwik Trip to pick up breakfast.

GoGoSqueez AppleStrawberry Applesauce on the go.
2 hardboiled eggs
2 packets of carrots (one for breakfast, one for snack)

I made it to work just in time.

I am deep in the throes of carb flu. I got a double migraine aura during lunch (probably not related to carb flu) and I’m lethargic, my stomach hurts and I want nothing more than pretzels with lots of salt on them…and a nap.

I got a salad with mixed greens, pecans, dried fruit and raspberry vinaigrette. I’m sure the caloric content is tiny. I planned to go to the store after work but can’t imagine walking to the other side of the room let alone walking through the entire store and then driving half the groceries to mom’s and settling at my place.

No. Instead I’m skipping the workout tonight in favor of sleeping with a blanket over my eyes so I can’t see light anymore. I’m sure I’ll cobble something together for dinner with chicken and sweet potato fries. I’m too busy trying to stop the room from spinning right now instead.

That’s all for today.

Advertisements

Accountability

On the goal board at Badger Crossfit

I’m done being fat. I hate the derisive comments I make about myself and I know Fiance doesn’t like it either. I hate the way I feel when I have a cheat meal. I hate being naked. Or looking at myself in the mirror.

So today it ends.

I stepped on the scale this morning and wasn’t sad or upset- just disappointed. 253. I’ve never been so heavy.

So I’m doing a Whole 45. I’ll be doing strict paleo with a 1000 calorie deficit until August when I go in for my first wedding dress fitting. Ideally I’d like to be down 20 pounds by then, which is completely doable considering how many times I cheat meal on a weekly basis. Which is where the blog comes in.

Keep me accountable. I’ll post all my food and water intake of the day as well as my workouts. Fitbit will be helpful too; it’ll track my intake and outbound calories. I’ll get on the scale every Wednesday morning. I’ll be working out for an hour every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

115 days until I walk down the aisle. I want to be able to send my dress in for a size down and I want to be able to not feel self-conscious about my pudge on the big day. I want my wedding ring to go on easily despite likely being swollen. I don’t want to be self-conscious and hate the pictures taken on the big day. I want to love me as much as Fiance does.

Day one: Wednesday 6/17/15

Breakfast: Coffee, two hardboiled eggs, two oz of Johnsonville Summer Sausage

Lunch: Bowl of homemade chili with pork, beef, onions, peppers, carrots, tomatoes, mustard and BBQ sauce.

Dinner: Pulled pork and sweet potato fries courtesy of mom’s kitchen.

Snacks: Baby carrots, summer sausage.

Water: At about 20 oz thus far today. Want to be able to refill my nalgene twice more by the end of the day.

 

Next grocery shopping trip: Friday after crossfit. Going to pick up nuts, almond butter, seeds and craisins to make a trail mix for when I’m hungry at work.

Here we go! Wish me luck!

On the Hunt…for Shoes

My Inov-8s are dead. Like dead as doornails. Like, they reek every time I wear them. And they give me shin splints whenever I run. And they just have no support whatsoever anymore.

This makes me really sad because I got these shoes at the North Central Regionals and the Games last year. But I suppose a year of almost constant wear will make shoes die a lot faster than just running and crossfitting three times a week.

So I had to go shopping. And I hate shopping with a passion. Plus it’s really hard to find Inov-8s in the area as my favorite store closed a year ago. I was unemployed when they closed so I couldn’t take advantage of the sales. This made me even more sad.

I did some research and found that a Performance Running Outfitters has Inov-8s. I called them and asked what they had in size 8. F-Lite 249 was literally the only pair in a size 8 they had… and it was pretty much the only Inov-8 they had period. So I had them hold it for me and stopped by after work the other day. The following is what happened.

  • Me: Tries on shoe and can’t believe how there’s no space at the toe of my foot. Take off shoes and wait for dude to come back.
  • Dude: Didn’t work?
  • Me: No. Way too short in the toe. Which is odd because I’m totally an 8.
  • Dude: OK let’s try a couple other options. Let me look around and see what I can find for you.
  • Me: OK. /Waits patiently. A miracle in and of itself, but I wasn’t about to rush this guy who could potentially find a pair of 195s buried in the recesses of their warehouse.

5 minutes later:

  • Dude: OK so I found some 215s in 8.5. Let’s see how that works. Oh and this is Thomas. He’ll be able to help you a lot more than I can since I’ve got another guy over there.
  • Me: /tries them on. They’re really long. The arch band is really far forward.
  • Thomas: OK they definitely aren’t the right size. Let me head back and see what other options we have to work with.
  • Me: OK. I’ve heard a lot of CrossFitters use the Nike Frees. Maybe that’s an option?
  • Thomas: Awesome! I’ll see what we’ve got.
  • Me: Waits patiently again.
  • Thomas: /hands me three pairs of the ugliest shoes I’ve ever tried on with massive amounts of cushioning and ick. I said no almost immediately to all of them. Then hands me a size 8 nike free 4.0 with 6mm drop and knitfly bands on the ball of the foot.
  • Me: /grunt. they are super tight in the foot. I feel like my toes are going to fall asleep. And they have a weird cushioning system; like it’s forcing me to pronate inward. Which is not good because I already do that.
  • Thomas: How about an 8.5?
  • Me: the toe box is way too long and it’s still super tight in the ball of the foot.

the aftermath. This was before the third round of tries.

Me: /leaves empty handed, goes home and buys a pair of 182 and 195 from Zappos.

In all, I guess it was OK they didn’t have them, but I’d still like to try them on and make sure they’ll fit without having to hassle with return address labels. I also wanted them right away so I don’t have to acclimate to a new pair of shoes for CrossFit tonight. I’m wearing my Reebok Sprints instead of my 185s because we’re running and the Sprints have more cushioning and aren’t dead so my shins, knees and calves will thank me.

The Struggle

Monday afternoon:

Tonight is a WOD I’ve been dreading for a while and, when I logged onto Instagram this morning to see Coach had posted the movements, I nearly threw my phone to the other side of the room.

Brenton:
Five rounds for time of:
Bear crawl 100 feet
Standing broad-jump, 100 feet

Do three Burpees after every five broad-jumps. If you’ve got a twenty pound vest or body armor, wear it.

I did this WOD over a year ago and it broke me. I’ve never felt so defeated after a WOD than I did while performing Brenton. I broke out in hives after the WOD due to hay fever and the grass. I was a full two rounds behind everyone else. I modified it to seven broad-jumps with the burpees because of how short my stride is. I cried when I was 100 feet away from everyone else who had finished long ago.

I don’t like to admit that I’m total and utter crap at physical fitness. I like to think I’m good at some things and I know I’m good at some things. I joke about how crappy I’ll be at this WOD and how I’m always the last person to finish a WOD; this doesn’t usually bother me because I’m usually always able to finish the WOD. This was a totally different kind of workout, though.

It just…broke me. 

I felt like a failure. A total and utter failure. I was the fat kid that never got picked in class to join anyone’s team. I couldn’t manage the bear crawl, my form on the burpees was crap at best. My broad jumps were maybe three feet.  Coach came over while I stood at the other end of the field sobbing saying nonsensicals like “I don’t know why I can’t do it!” and he kept trying to tell me ‘you do this for Brenton’ and ‘You’re doing great!’ Other people came to do the burpees with me (which made me feel like even more of an invalid, though they meant well) so when I finally finished, I didn’t speak to anyone. I just found my water bottle and walked away; not wanting people to see me at my lowest point. People came up behind me in the group of us walking back to the gym and gave me praise, but tears just silently fell the entire walk back to the gym and especially in my car. Just writing about it now makes me misty.

I signed up for class tonight but I really don’t want to fail or find out that I’m not better than I was two years ago. I don’t want to go to this WOD only to end up in tears again because I can’t finish more than three rounds before it gets dark.

I’m going to do my best and know that I am a better CrossFitter than I was two years ago. My back is twitchy, but I know that I can manage this WOD just like I do all the other WODs. I will be the last person finished, but I sincerely hope to finish more than I did two years ago.

 

Monday Night:

I walked into the gym and my nerves were on overdrive. I warmed up quickly, comiserated with people and expressed my nervousness to the people around me. One girl was there the last time I did it and remembered my reaction to the WOD. She was confident I could finish though, so that helped.

We jumped into the strength portion and I did fine with the Wendler Cycle: I did back squats at a little less than I should have, and my press was minimal at best; I wasn’t worries. I just wanted to get this WOD over.

We walked to the field down the street and coach counted us down. I couldn’t find a good cadence for the bear crawls so my hips hurt more than anything else. The broad jumps were fine, but I did 7 to make up the difference of my little legs. The burpees were the easiest part, though my hands were already breaking out and my lungs were burning from the grass. I made it through the first round is pretty decent time and the second round wasn’t too bad, but the third was where I fell apart a bit; my bear crawl was crappy, I had to stop a lot. I was still able to make it through the jumps in three sets, only having to do 6 burpees total.

I wasn’t the last one on the field when I finished the third round, though people were finishing already. I started on my fourth bear crawl with a massive burning in my lungs. I wasn’t fatigued, I just couldn’t breathe well. I started on the jumps, heard Sarah tell me ‘little jumps are still jumps!’ and, halfway through the fourth round, when almost everyone else was done, I talked to coach ‘Is there a time cap?’ he shook his head. “I mean I’d say end it at 4 if you want to stop, but I won’t make you stop.” “Good,” I said. “I’m going to finish.” and I finished off the fourth round.

I wasn’t alone for the fifth round, which eased my mind a bit. I finally got the cadence for the bear crawl and finished in three good tries. I then powered through the jumps and barely made it to the end through the third set of jumps.

18:44. I had finished. I collapsed to the ground and started crying just out of happiness. I walked back to the gym and gave my time. “You did a great job out there today.” said coach.

I believed him.

I went back to my car and texted Boyfriend. I then cried a couple tears of joy and posted on Instagram.

I beat the WOD. I won.

I finished. 

Field Training Officer Timothy Quinn Brenton, 39, of the Seattle Police Department, was shot and killed in a drive-by shooting while on duty on October 31, 2009. He is survived by his wife Lisa, his son Quinn, and daughter Kayliegh.

Thank you, Brenton. Thanks to you, I understand what it is to be strong; to persevere; to overcome. Thank you.

Not Enough Coffee

Oh hi! Welcome back! I’d love to say I’ve been crazy busy but really, I’ve just be working so much that I don’t have time to think about writing for myself; especially when I write all day every day at work.

So I’m back. I promise. I’m also finally back into the groove of working out regularly after all the medical drama is over and all my stress and family obligations are also over.

I am working every day this month except for one day. Literally. I have one day off in January and it’s this Saturday. It’s coming at the perfect time because I’m exhausted and stressed and generally punchy and unable to find enough coffee to drink during the day.

Here’s a little bit of randomness to bring you up to speed on my last few months of quiet-time.

I’ve been making time to get to CrossFit but it’s about that time that everyone signs up for class so I get on the waitlist, resign myself to not working out and then, an hour before class I get the email saying I got in, only for me to realize that I haven’t had any water that day and I’m exhausted and oh I just got this shitload of work to do.

I made some CrossFit goals this year:

Bodyweight Deadlift (only 20 pounds short)
125# Clean and Jerk (I’m at 100 so far)
125# Back and front squat (115 and 95 each currently)
100# Push press (I think I’m currently at 80)

20 pounds lost from my body. I’ve gained 10 this year after losing the 50, which I know is normal, but I want it gone again. 170 is my final goal.

Last week was Benchmark week and, while I was feeling a bit under the weather and work was crazy, so I didn’t make it in until Wednesday for DT and Back Squat 1RM.

My all-time PR, from when I was still 234 pounds, was 115 pounds. When I lost 40 of the 50 pounds, six months later, I went down to 105 pounds. This past Wednesday, I finally went back up to 130. One goal down!

I also PRed DT by 3 minutes. Three months ago I put 65 pounds on the bar and finished in 15 minutes flat. I kept the 65 pounds and finished in 11:40. I was exceptionally happy even if my hands were in so much pain. The grip dies after about round two. I was still really happy.

I stayed out of the box on Thursday for church and sleep and went back on Friday for Deadlift 1RM and FRAN.

 

The Deadlift was great! My ultimate goal is to get bodyweight but 170 seemed really hard. When I finally made it up to 180, my form fell apart but I got the weight up without rounding my back. In 3 months, when we do it again, I really want to make it up to 190, meaning I’ll have more than a bodyweight deadlift if we go with my most recent low-weight, though I’ve gained some of the 50 pounds back.

I really strongly dislike Fran and not because she’s tough, but because I suck at both of the movements. I am not getting better with my pull ups and my thrusters are really low because we almost never do them. I was also dehydrated and tired and sore from doing the Deadlifts so, while my time three months ago with 45 pounds was 7:02, I finished in a piddly 9:48 and was not happy with myself. What a disaster.

Now, On the Paleo Front:

I fell apart during the holiday and didn’t really limit myself to eating what I wanted because it would simply be too hard and I was cooking most of the foods anyway so it was a bit of 100% paleo 80% of the time. But, by the first, I was ready to get back on the wagon and I did hardcore.

But. I soon realized how sensitive my body has become since I went Paleo. I was having dinner with my best friend on Friday at Chilis and had a Santa Fe Chicken Salad with a picante ranch dressing that usually is fine with me, but for some reason, an hour after finishing eating, I was in the bathroom with some awesome lactose reaction-ing. At least I felt skinny when going back to the table? So I’ve officially decided not to eat at Chilis anymore. Which makes me sad because I love their foods, but I just can’t make it happen anymore, I guess.

I’ve still been doing really well, though I may be dealing with some carb flu, which has always had a bit of a latent reaction for me. I’ve been ornery and have a headache every morning and wahh. I’m drinking coffee and taking tylenol and generally hiding away in a dark office and dark apartment and dark. Just lots of dark.

I have officially come to realize how much my body has changed. You ready?

Here’s me in August of 2012 doing 35 pound squat cleans. Ahem. Power cleans and front squats.

Annnnnnnnnd…….

Here’s me, at 175 Deadlift, on Friday January 10, 2014.

It’s amazing how much the body can change in a year and a half. I am so proud of myself.

Weight at the beginning of the year: 196 lbs. Goal by the end of the year? 170 pounds. 26 pounds to go!

DNF is better than DNS

I’m really frustrated with the jump rope.

Not just in a way of ‘ugh I’m so frustrated I don’t have Double Unders’ but more like “F@#$ WHY DO I SUCK SO F&#@(*% HARD AT DOUBLE UNDERS! I USED TO BE SO GOOD AT THIS!”

Basically I totally DNFed at the WOD on Wednesday because I got so pissed off with my lack of prowess with double unders that I literally threw the damn rope on the ground halfway through the round.

Here’s how it went:

3 rounds
50 Double Unders
21 lateral burpees (Over the bar)
7 Power Snatches

I seriously thought the Burpees would be the worst of it all.

First round: 25 double unders strung together. It was a PR. I was stoked. I got another round of 10 and another of 5 and made it through the first round of DUs no problem. The burpees took forever so other people have gotten to the second set of burpees by the time I was onto the snatches, which I did at a super low weight.

Round two: 2s and 3s on the double unders. Halfway through I made it up to 5, had to seriously do tuck jumps in order to get the rope around my body twice. I huffed a few times and finally finished while people were onto their third round. During the burpess people were finishing.

Round three: I made it through a set of 5, a set of 3 and could barely make it through ones and twos. By the time I made it to 20ish reps, I said “F$@* IT,” threw the rope on the ground and made it through the burpees faster than I’ve ever done burpees before in my life. I made it through 15, realized I had lost count but coach said “6 more!” and I made it through, repped the snatches like they were nothing (because they were nothing) and I was so pissed off with myself when I hit the floor.

It’s been two days and I’m still really upset about that. It’s been over a year since I started CrossFit and I’ve only ever DNFed when my back had two herniated disks blown so it hurt too much to move. DNFing sucks. It hurts. It bruises the ego and, even though people tell you you’ve done a great job, when deep in your soul, you know you could have done better.

Basically, DNF sucks hard.

But then I posted it on Facebook and Coach responded “Better to DNF than DNS; Did Not Start. Keep on keepin’ on.

And, even though I still felt crappy about that DNF, he has a point. I got into the box. I PRed my 3-position clean. I kept going even though I stopped with the DUs. I got a good sweat on. I showed up and I technically finished. It’s better than nothing.

A Cautionary Tale

This is what happens when double unders die in the middle of a WOD

and the Thrusters, even at 35 pounds, are done really quickly.

Tonight is Fight Gone Bad. I haven’t done it in months. The last time I did, I broke an ankle.

Fight Gone Bad

Yeah, it certainly did.

I think it’s pretty clear that I don’t like DNFing but I had no reason to do so until two minutes before FGB was finished that I totally experienced the brain-splitting agony of a DNF.

I saw in the morning that Coach had done and PRed on Fight Gone Bad, so I really hoped that we were doing it. I was stoked, to say the least. I sent Boyfriend a text with a big smiley face and anticipated the end of the day.

During warmups, I grabbed my jump rope and started doing single unders during one of my favorite Dubstep songs: “Zombies ate my neighbors” by Schoolboy. I jumped to the beat and every now and then tried doing a double under. On the fourth or so try, the rope didn’t smack my shins and I looked down to see the rope was still moving. I had just gotten a double under. I immediately burst into a crazy-person laugh before announcing it finally happened! Then I kept going. A few single unders and I’d have the double under. I tried stringing them together but I figured it was about actually doing them, not getting many together.

We warmed up with a skill of Turkish Getups, something I don’t think I’m very good at, but I managed to get 5 done without dropping the little 10 pound bell on my head so I viewed it as a win.

The strength was a bit of a let down to me. It was 7 sets of 2 hang power cleans into a push jerk. I knew my normal power clean was something upwards of 100 pounds, so I figured it’d be OK. I got up to 85 pounds in the fifth set and got one but couldn’t get the bar up before I bailed. This occurred for another two rounds and I could only get one clean out of the high hang position. It pissed me off after the third time. I yelled out and kept trying to shake out my shoulders but the stupid bar just wouldn’t go up. I settled there but it was still on my mind.

We had a few minutes to set up for the WOD and we were told to use a bar for the Sumo-Deadlift Hi-Pulls and a different bar on the other side of the gym for the Push Press. I set them both up at 35 since I don’t know what my SDHP is, and I figured I’d be gassed from everything else and I went along my business.

After about 15 SDHP I couldn’t really feel my shoulders. I did box jumps on five 45 pound plates, Did wall balls with a 10 pound ball and got about 10 calories rowed in each round.

It was the third round that it all went down: The SDHP went fine, I got 15 that round and moved onto the box jumps where I got another 13, went back to the push press and got up to 45 total reps. At the rotation I headed to the rower. I’m sure it was all very graceful and everything as it happened. I’m making my way to the rower and all of a sudden my foot decided to stop supporting me and it rolled under me and I went down in a mass of flailing arms and ridiculous expressions. I yelled out an “OW!” and banged my fists on the mat (to show that mat-bastard just how angry I was with it) and coach made his way over to me, helped me onto a plyo box and told me to stay there for a few minutes. I cradled my idiot ankle for a good five minutes while the rest of the people there made it through the WOD Without injury and, after removing my shoe, I hobbled over to the front of the box to my stuff.

I told Coach my reps and was sad to say my total was 178, which would have definitely been over 200 had I not killed myself. I massaged the ankle a bit and traced the alphabet before putting my shoe on and hobbled out of the building. I stopped at Walgreens, bought an ACE bandage and some one-time use ice packs and made my way to knit night where I put my foot up on a stool and iced it for an hour or so. I hobbled home around 9:30 and had to face the THREE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS in my apartment to get from my car to my bed. Not cool.

I got into the apartment, got up to bed and started a load of laundry before removing the ace bandage to replace it with the good cloth one in my medicine cabinet. I slept so hard and good thanks to the three advil I popped. I woke up at 6:30, took off the ace bandage and tried to gingerly stand with the foot.

Probably a bad idea. I dragged the foot behind me into the bathroom and narrowly made it into the shower without falling over. Hot water made it feel better and I was feeling a little more dextrous after that. I applied two strips of KT Tape (because it’s all I had) and wrapped the ace bandage around me again. I found a crappy old pair of ballet flats and slid into them even though they don’t match my outfit; they fit my giant foot, so I went with it.

Three flights of stairs taken one step at a time and I was in my car on my way to work. The ice pack was on my desk and my foot was on it. I didn’t care how unprofessional it was; if someone said anything to me, I’d show them the giant club I have for a foot and they’d be able to walk away.

So I guess the fight really did go bad… I called the chiropractor and hope to have an appointment in the next couple days and I’m thinking a modwod is in order for later this week to avoid the ankle, but still give me a good workout.

The three advil I took earlier today have kicked in. Excuse me while I go get the ice pack.

A Lack of Closet

It’s been tough trying to dress myself professionally for the last few weeks.

Mostly because I have no clothes in my closet.

OK so this isn’t totally true– I have plenty of clothes, but my lack of shirts is becoming harder to ignore as I have to keep throwing more and more into the goodwill pile. Plato’s Closet, sizeist assholes that they are, won’t take my fatty clothes as they don’t “cater to that demographic” which pisses me off to no end , so the giant garbage bags of clothes, shirts, jeans, jackets and dresses are left to languish in the trunk of my car.

Currently hanging in my closet are the following:

– About a half-dozen nighties including a very large long-sleeve dress for winter.
– 3 slip-and-flowy dresses.
– 5 kimono dresses. Unsure of their fit.
– About a dozen full-length cardigans
– 6 or 7 shrugs or boleros
– Two or three pullovers
– One robe I almost never wear
– 2 pairs of dress pants, one with a split ass (note to self: Overhead Squats in dress pants don’t mix)
– Workout clothes: Doesn’t count toward wardrobe, though the pants don’t fit anymore…
– Two pairs of booties, two more heels that are probably half a size too big now but I wear them anyway, two pairs of boots, one of which are too big, Inov-8s(Don’t count) and one pair of peep toe canvas shoes that don’t fit either, plus TOMS, flip flops, Vans and Chucks. All completely irrelevant.
– Oh and two pairs of men’s shorts that don’t fit anymore either.

Please note how almost everything in said list doesn’t fit anymore. The cardigans and tank tops and new pants are pretty much it. I’m frequently wearing black pants, tank tops and a cardigan to work. Or leggings and a dress. It’s kind of repetitive. And not very stylish.

Now I know what you’re saying: OH THAT SOUNDS LIKE SUCH A TERRIBLE PROBLEM TO HAVE with a healthy dose of sarcasm, but here’s the rub: I haz no moneys.

Plato’s closet took a pair of flats that are so old and disgusting from wearing them regularly and a pair of red hooker heels I have never worn without pulling a calf muscle, an ELLE skirt I never wore because it turned out to look too slutty when I was fat and now it doesn’t fit and a hooded jacket that confused the hell out of me for its choice. They gave me 20 dollars after insulting me and I walked away with my two bags of clothes and shoes and sent them bad juju.

They also didn’t have any jackets that were a: In good condition enough to be worn at the price they were trying to sell them (See holes in pockets and missing buttons), and b: Properly sized to fit. So annoying. I’ll make do until I find a real winter jacket as my old ones are FAR too big so I put them in the pile to now go to Goodwill.

This honestly is just me being a complainer. But the fact that I look like I’m wearing garbage bags in some of my stuff, means I need to go shopping. It’s just tough when I have no funds in which to successfully shop for quality clothing. I’ll be hitting up Marshalls for some cheap-as-hell nice-looking clothes.

Here’s hope.

Relaxation WOD

There are two types of rest days: The days where you are still decently active but you don’t WOD: You clean the apartment, grocery shop, hang out or play with kids if you have any, etc. But nowhere on your day is there a barbell to be lifted. The other kind of rest day… I’m a pro at these ones. You do NOTHING: You sleep in, you lay down on the couch with a Nalgene of water and You’ve Got Mail and Devil Wears Prada and you make every effort to not do anything all day.

The latter, though I’m awesome at them, I don’t get to do them enough. I’ve suddenly come down with ‘clean-your-apartment-syndrome’ and I can’t seem to shake it regardless of the fact that my abs, quads, arms and calves want to fall off my body. I have to clean the counters and do dishes.

Then there’s the occasional night where I feel motivated enough to really relax. Tomorrow morning I’m getting a massage and, rather than being in pain for a majority of deep-tissue hour, I decided to take a bubble bath.

Yes. A bubble bath.

I’d had a really crappy day… though slightly less crappy than it could have been. I fought with the health insurance, then fought with Walgreens so I could get a medication I’d been missing for four days, then couldn’t manage to get rid of the smell in my kitchen, realizing the disposal must be grossing out. Then at the box I failed… epically.

You know… they say to leave your ego at the door of the box but I can’t help but feel like such a failure when the rest of the box is done and I still have one round to go so the coach says to scale it down to finish the round I’m on. We all have weak days, so I guess forcing myself to go to the box tonight was the reason for my weak day.

I don’t like weak days… they make me feel like all the work I’ve done over the last few months is for naught. I’m not a fan. So rather than getting a pint of ice cream at Walgreens while getting the drugs, I went home and fixed up dinner, poured a 6 oz. glass of red wine and got into the hottest bubble bath I’d ever been in an hour later while watching You’ve Got Mail on the iPad.

The final piece to my relaxation puzzle tonight is sleep. Your body needs plenty of sleep to function properly, especially while CrossFitting. It’s 11 p.m. and I have to be up for my 11 a.m. massage. Here’s hoping I can convince boyfriend to WOD with me tomorrow afternoon so I can start to feel like a good athlete again.

Tomorrow will also more than likely be my first cheat meal in… oh… two weeks? Let’s see how that goes, shall we?